Can you please motivate me (to finish what I started)?

This is the third in a series of posts addressing issues related to productivity.

This post, which also originated as a response to a question on Quora.com, looks at productivity through a different lens.  Here the writer was asking if motivation could be external. He is a composer who apparently hit a rough spot.

In other words, he was asking me to improve his productivity.

While someone else can motivate you if they have enough influence over you as I discuss below, internal motivation leading to increased productivity is what most of us seek to achieve.

If you have ever found yourself avoiding a project, procrastinating, or hoping some external miracle would come along and build a fire under you, you might benefit from my response.

By the way, if you are a writer, you might benefit from my looking at my own loss of motivation when I was writing my first book and how I overcame it.

My quick answer to this question was: “No, I can’t motivate you.”

Here were my suggestions to this individual’s query.

The reason behind my answer is that unless I have some influence over you which I could use to push you into action, only you can motivate yourself.

I can, however, provide some information which may help you look within and generate the motivation you seek.

Clearly, you have talent and a unique gift. This is a point you probably don’t give yourself enough credit for. You can, as other answers have suggested think about how much you will bring to others if you complete your work.

To you, my reader… To what extent do you  denigrate yourself and your abilities because you believe that you do not measure up to some external standard or because you are not “perfect”?  If you do and this prevents you from moving forward with your project, I suggest, as do all experts on writing, that you put these concerns aside and complete your project. Once this is done, you can get some feedback from someone who can be objective.

Let me ask you this. What emotions are you feeling that seem to compel you to stop composing? Are you feeling anxious and stop to make the feeling of anxiety go away? Do you start out being excited about the work you are composing and, when that excitement begins to dwindle, do you stop because you believe your lack of excitement is telling you that you have lost interest in the project? While this feeling is similar to boredom, it is different in that boredom implies that the work is no longer holding your attention and the lack of excitement is simply saying that the work you are doing is not “new” to you (although still important) and you need to tap into a different emotion to “motivate” you to complete the work.

I have written two Amazon best seller books on emotions (Emotions as Tools and Beyond Anger Management) and I have experienced both anxiety and a decrease in excitement (never boredom) while writing.

So, let me explain what I did as it may help you.

If you have read any of my other posts, you know that all feelings communicate a message to you about how you perceive the situation in which you find yourself.

Anxiety is a future based emotion, the message of which is that you perceive a possible threat which might cause you some harm in the future. For me, the future threat was that I would write my book and no one would buy it or people might be critical of it.

If you stop composing because you project yourself into the future and see your work as “failing” (however, you define this), then you are experiencing anxiety.

The flip side of anxiety is the emotion of anticipation.

The message of anticipation is that your work might be well received by at least one person who hears it (and possibly more). Anticipation may help you to find the motivation you seek.

By the way, I do not believe that all the works of Beethoven were well received when he wrote them. This did not stop him from composing.

Let’s talk about getting excited about what you are composing.

I almost stopped writing my first book because the excitement that initially “motivated” me to write quickly wore off as I struggled with how to get my words right and doing more research when I needed to.

This is normal. Your initial excitement won’t last.

When this happened, I did not assume that I was no longer interested in the project.  Rather, I realized that the project I was working on was just as important and relevant as it was when I originally got all excited about it and used this realization to propel me through the process until I once again became excited. Excitement goes up and down until you are finished.

To my readers:  I hope that the above comments have been helpful to you if you have ever found yourself “unmotivated” and stuck. 

Motivation, or the emotional drive to move forward, happens because you view what you are doing as valuable. 

Productivity flows from motivation.

This perceived value can flow from several different perceptions including:

  • your anticipation regarding the impact what you create will have on someone else   or
  • your desire, however your work is received, to “give birth” to your  creation just because it is yours to create

The important point to keep in mind is that motivation is an emotion.  You create your emotions so you can create motivation by changing how you perceive what you are doing.

It is completely up to you.

How do I get over the fear of being wrong and the fear of failure?

This post was originally published in October 2017,  I am republishing it here as a follow-up to my last post covering emotions and productivity.

The author of the title question posted this on Quora.com.  While he doesn’t mention procrastination or productivity directly, the “fear” he asks about, while actually anxiety as I discuss below, is the emotion that holds people back, leads to procrastination, and results in decreased productivity.

Here is the original post.

As an expert on emotions with two Amazon bestselling books, Emotions as Tools and Beyond Anger Management, I would offer a bit different perspective on your question.

You have used the word “fear” as it is commonly used. You noted “fear of being wrong” and “fear of failure”.

Unfortunately, both of these uses are incorrect because the emotion you are really referring to here is anxiety.

I should mention that, for all intents and purposes, it doesn’t really matter which word you use. When you understand the difference between anxiety and fear, you enable yourself to master both emotions and the suggestions I make below will make more sense to you.

Fear is an in-the-moment emotion, the message of which is that you are perceiving a threat that will “kill” you unless you get out of that situation. Fear is the hair-on-the-back-of-your-neck raising up. The best response to fear is to get out of the situation. Too often, women, and sometimes men, experience fear but ignore it to their own peril. An example is when your feelings tell you the guy standing in the elevator is bad news eventhough he looks fine and has done nothing wrong. While you might be wrong about him, trust your feelings and take the next elevator.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a future based emotion the message of which is that there might be a threat that might hurt me.

Notice in your question that you are concerned about what might happen if you are “being wrong” or if you experience “failure”. Both are future possibililty. If you were wrong or had failed when you were writing the question, you would have asked a different question.

So, let’s address your question.

The antidote to anxiety (fear of being wrong) is to ask two basic questions about what might happen in the future.

The first and most important question is this:

If the worst possible outcome happens to me (however you define “worst” and “being wrong”), can I survive (however you choose to define “survive”) it?

If the answer is “I won’t like it but I could survive it”, then you no longer have to dwell on the issue and can move on to the second question.

By the way, there are very few situations in which you would not “survive” if you made a mistake. So, the answer to question #1 will usually be yes. Now, if you are talking about being wrong about whether or not the mushroom you are about to eat is poisonous or not, or whether you have chosen the right rope to repel down the side of a mountain, well it will be in your best interest to get more information before you make a decision.

Whether you could survive the future or not, question #2 becomes your next focus.

Question #2 is:

What do I need to do, learn, make happen in order to reduce the possibility of being wrong.

I need to explain that there are two types of anxiety. The first is called distress and the second is called eustress.

Distress is disabling, focuses on the worst case scenario, and leads you to act as if this outcome is inevitable. It is distress that you are most likely referring to when you talk about the “fear of being wrong”.

Eustress is enabling, uses the same motivating energy of anxiety, and focuses on what you need to do to make the right decision. This is the energy my students use to motivate them to study for an upcoming exam. When you prepare for a future event, you no longer have to avoid it because you are now prepared for it.

So, if you are prepared for the future event and you can survive it if goes bad, you will no longer have the “fear of being wrong” you asked about.

Finally, let me give you a different definition of “failure”.

Most people think that “failure” is a destination. You either “succeed” and reach your goal or you “fail” and fall short.

This is a disabling definition as it only gives you two options.

A more adaptive definition of failure is to see it as a process. As a process, failure is defined as “falling short Y times and getting up X times, where X > Y” It is this definition the person who quoted Edison is referring to.

As long as you pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, make the corrections you need to make, and move forward, you can’t fail. You only fail when you give up.

And, for you readers seeing this for the first time, when you learn from your mistakes an move forward, you are more than likely being productive.