Month: October 2021

Can a person be intellectually strong, yet emotionally weak?

This is a question that I received via the website Quora.

I chose to reproduce the question here and add additional comments which were not included in my Quora response because I believe it addresses some important points.

It is an interesting question because it reflects a common misunderstanding about the relationship between one’s intellect, the thinking part of your brain (the cerebral cortex) and one’s emotions, the emotional part of a your brain (the Amygdala).

The misunderstanding is the belief that emotions are subordinate to, or controlled by, the intellect.

As readers of this blog, you know that the intellect and the emotions are both critical to the process of learning to master your emotions as tools.

The emotional cycle…

First, a quick review of the emotional cycle..

All of us constantly scan our surroundings for threat and when we perceive a threat, we automatically go into fight/flight/freeze mode.

The emotional process..

This is a primitive emotional process mediated through the Amygdala which humans have done since we lived on the Savannah. The process evolved to work quickly and without our having to think about it.  The purpose of this scanning and preparation process was to insure our survival as a species.

Note: The speed and automatic nature of this process is the basis for people to believe that their emotions control them.

This is a myth in that the automatic emotional process only prepares one for action. It does not determine what one does beyond fight/flight/freeze.

The intellectual process..

As our brains developed more capacity to think and analyze (mediated through the Cerebral Cortex), we developed the ability to analyze our situation and choose the best adaptive response to the situation.

Hense, the emotional cycle involves  an emotional reaction in which our emotions inform us through physical sensations in our bodies that a possible threat exists and prepare us for possible action and our intellect intervening to give us the opportunity to assess the situation and choose an adaptive reponse.

The intellect and the emotions are intimately  interrelated.

The original question…

So, let’s dig a little deeper into this question.

It contains at least 3 underlying assumptions..

  1. There is some level of cognitive ability that can be labelled as “intellectually strong”
  2. There is an implied dichotomy between one’s intellectual abilities (however these are defined) and one’s capacity to deal with emotions.  In other words, you are either emotional or you are intellectual.
  3. There is such a concept as “emotional weakness”.

Regarding the first assumption….

While we can measure a person’s intellect, and it is true that some people are more intelligent than others, the ability to master one’s emotions as tools does not require an exceptionally high intellectual ability. Consequently, as I see it, being “intellectually strong” is largely irrelevant in the context of dealing with one’s emotions.

Regarding the second assumption..

In the original Star Trek series, the character Mr. Spock, a Vulcan, prided himself on his ability to repress all of his emotions and make decisions solely on the basis of his intellectual ability to analyze the facts and make a decision.

Today, people still assume that they need to use their intellect to control their emotions.

Controlling one’s emotions both didn’t work out well for Spock when he had to deal with his human crew and doesn’t work today as emotions have a way of getting expressed unless we learn how to master the emotion by heeding its message and strategically using its energy to adaptively deal with the situation in which we find ourselves.

So, while you can force yourself not to outwardly express your emotions, the energy underlying your anger, sadness, or anxiety will express itself in some manner.  This could involve passive-aggressive acting-out, physical symptoms, or anything else in-between.

This is where emotional mastery comes in.  Mastery involves acknowledging the emotion and strategically deploying the energy of the emotion.

While you may choose not to outwardly express the emotion because you may expose yourself to too much risk, there is no control of or repressing the emotion.

Regarding the third assumption…

Unless one considers themself “weak” in their ability to get the most out of their cell phone, computer, table saw or TV remote (all of which are tools), I don’t believe there is such a “thing” as “emotional weakness”.

One is either capable of utilizing their tools and making them work as desired or they are not. In the latter case, they need to either read a manual or get some instruction.

It is the same with emotions because emotions are just tools!

So, given the above, because my questioner asked the question, his intellectual “strength” vis-a-vis his emotions, is more than up to the task.

The issue, then, becomes the extent to which one is able to master their  emotions.

Based on the nature of this question, I assumed that the person who asked it has some doubts about his relationship to his emotions.

Note: The questioner is a male.

My recommendations…

My recommendation to the questioner was that he consult the manual.

The information on this blog is the manual for emotions.

I also noted that the best way to access the information in the Blog was to click on the INDEX tab.

The Index gives him access (with one click) to all my posts by category, date and title.

I then suggested going to the Mastering Emotions as Tools section first, clicking on any title that grabbed his attention so that he could get his basic education about what emotions are, why we have them, and what emotional mastery involves.

He could then go to specific emotions such as anger and explore further.

You can do the same thing if these are issues that relate to you.

Is There Any Advantage to Having Feelings (Emotions)?

The short answer is…. Yes, there are several advantages!

Think about this for a moment…

Have you ever:

  • wished that you could eliminate a particular feeling (or emotion)?
  • felt controlled by your feelings (and wanted that feeling to go away)?
  • wondered if,  perhaps, it wouldn’t be better if all feelings (at least the ones that “feel” uncomfortable) would disappear.

The answer is most likely yes (to at least one).

By the way, while scientists distinguish between emotions and feelings, for the rest of us, they are basically the same.

In each of the above cases, there is an implied underlying assumption.

Wanting to “eliminate” some feelings assumes that there is no advantage to having those specific (or most) feelings.

This assumption that it would be best to eliminate some emotions is not at all uncommon and stems from the disadvantages of emotions..

Several (This isn’t a comprehensive list.) disadvantages of feelings include:

  • some feelings “hurt” (or are experienced as painful)
  • sometimes, based on a misperception, feelings can lead to inappropriate behavior
  • feelings happen very quickly so they are experienced as controlling us (This is a myth.).
  • there is a learning curve to mastering them

As all of the disadvantages can be overcome,  let’s focus on the advantages of feelings.

While this is also not a complete list, 5 advantages that come to mind are:

  1. Your emotions are your “window” on the world.
  2. Your emotions “protect” you.
  3. Your emotions allow you to gain control over your life
  4. Your emotions facilitate your interacting with others.
  5. Your emotions make life interesting and engaging..

Some important facts:

  • You can’t eliminate your feelings because they are “hard-wired” into your genetics.
  • While you can try to deny your feelings, ignore them, or project them onto others, they don’t go away.
  • There are some psychological disorders where the emotional circuits seem to be disconnected and severe trauma might impair some of these circuits but these disorders can lead to some very undesirable behaviors and I wouldn’t wish severe trauma on anyone.

So, you can’t eliminate feelings and the costs of disconnecting your emotional circuits far outweigh the benefits, so you might strongly consider learning how to master your emotions and make the most of the advantages they offer you.

Let’s discuss the advantages of feelings.

1.Your emotions are your “window” on the world.

The Emotions Cycle describes how your feelings “work”. This is the cliff-notes version.  I have discussed the emotions cycle in greater detail in other posts…

  • You unconsciously scan your surroundings for “threats”
  • when you perceive a threat, your brain automatically puts you on alert and prepares you to take action to eliminate or escape from the threat.
  • You become aware of the perceived threat and are given the opportunity to assess and evaluate the nature of the threat and to decide how you want to respond to the threat.

This is a link to a PDF of the Anger Mastery Cycle.  The “cycle” for other emotions is very similar.

When you take the time to assess the emotion, you become aware of how you are perceiving your world and your interactions with others.  This is the message of the emotion.

This message is your “window” into your world.

Or, to put it another way, your emotions give you access to the lens through which you are interpreting what you are experiencing.

For the more familiar emotions, the messages are..

Anger-you perceive a threat that you can eliminate if you throw enough force at it. Anger prepares you for war.

Anxiety– you perceive a future based threat that might, or might not, hurt you. Anxiety prepares you to either give up and freeze (distress), or buckle up and take the actions to prepare yourself for the threat should it occur (eustress).

Fear – you perceive a threat that will kill you. Fear prepares you to get the hell out of that situation. Fear is not the same as anxiety.

Sadness – you are aware that you have experienced a significant loss. Sadness prepares you to back off and heal.

2.Your emotions “protect” you.

You are driving in your car and you notice a “sign” (street sign, electronic bill board) that alerts you to take some action which protects you from an unwanted outcome.

Your emotions, as threat detectors, serve the same function as these warning signs and provide you with important information.

When we lived in caves, all the “threats” we faced were survival-based in that they would kill us if we did not detect them.  So, we evolved emotions to alert us to these threats.  While, today, we face psychological threats (not survival threats), the emotional early alert system hasn’t changed.

We subconsciously detect a threat, go on “red alert” and we are ready for action.

This is the protection  that emotions provide.

Our emotions also subconsciously prepare us to take action against the threat.

This action is linked to the perceived nature of the threat.

When we lived in caves, this subconscious process of detection, alert, and  preparation for action could mean the difference between life and death.

Today, the preparation for defensive (or aggressive offensive) action happens very quickly and, if not countered, is the basis for the “disadvantage” of believing your emotions control you noted above.

Fortunately, we have evolved a thinking brain which gives us an opportunity to counter the “red alert”.

3. Your emotions allow you to gain control over your life.

Once you become aware of an emotion and the message it communicates to you about how you are perceiving your surroundings, you can actively assess the nature of your situation and choose how you want to respond (rather than react) to what is going on.

The “control” you gain is in the choice you have regarding how you will mitigate the situation your emotions have alerted you to.

4. Your emotions facilitate your interacting with others.

In an episode of Star Trek, Mr. Spock, a Vulcan with suppressed emotions, becomes acting Captain of a crew stranded on an alien planet.  He makes all the logically correct decisions to protect his crew and gets all the wrong results because he “fails” to consider the feelings his crew were experiencing.

The emotions other people express toward you give you important information about them which you can use to adjust how you interact with them.

To put it another way, when you understand what feelings are and the messages they communicate, you now have an insider look at how the other people in your situation are perceiving what is happening between you and them and you can choose how you want to adaptively respond to them.

5. Your emotions make life interesting and engaging.

I have mentioned that many of our emotions are threat detectors which prepare you to engage for self-protection or “flee” for self-preservation.

The message of other emotions is that we need to proactively engage because it is “beneficial” to us in some way.

Think of the feelings of surprise, happy, excitement,  and gratitude.

These feelings add spice and color to your life and elicit your willing involvement in whatever is going on.

So, in summary, while there are some disadvantages to feelings, I believe the advantages far outweigh them.

And, by doing your research (check out the Index tab above) by reading some of the 150+ posts covering all aspects of emotions, you can acquire the information you need to overcome the disadvantages and begin mastering your emotions as adaptive tools.