In my last two posts, I covered the “3M Approach to Feelings”.
The 3 M’s were…
- Management
- Mindfulness
- Mastery
The last step, mastery, involves understanding and strategically deploying your emotions.
In this post, I want to give you a 6-step technique which will help you move closer to emotional mastery.
Let me explain.
In the past when you wanted to pursue a new skill or gain some knowledge you wanted to learn, you may have consulted an “expert”, a counselor, or, as I often do, my neighbor, who has forgotten more about construction than I ever knew.
Well, when it comes to mastering emotions, you have immediate access to an “expert” you probably didn’t give much thought to.
Indeed, as a reader of this blog, you know more about emotions than most of the population.
Based on this knowledge, you are an “expert”.
No, I am not pulling your chain. As I am defining “expert”, when you know more about the subject than they do, you qualify as a knowledgeable source of information. Or, to put it another way… an expert within the limits of your knowledge.
So, I am willing to bet that if someone asked you to give some advise on how to master emotions, you could give some very credible suggestions.
And, maybe, in a moment of self-reflection, you realized how good the advice was and felt a little rush of well-deserved pride. I hope so.
Good for you!
But, and this is the kicker, have you ever found yourself in a situation similar to the one you helped your friend navigate through and you didn’t use your own advice?
The answer for most of us, including me, is “yes”.
And, yes, when it happens to me (a certified expert in these matters), I feel kind of silly, have to laugh at myself, forgive myself, and reevaluate the choices I have made.
When I taught a Personal Growth class at the University where I teach, I would often answer questions from the students noting that I was much better at helping them solve their issues than I was solving my own. The reason for this is that I was objective and unburdened by emotions when I responded to their issues so I could easily and quickly access my experiences and knowledge to formulate an answer to their question.
In my own case, however, I was often very subjective and emotional.
This subjectivity clouded my judgement and left me less effective as a problem solver.
I had the necessary knowledge but I was too close to the situation and the knowledge I had didn’t kick in.
In other words, I was not able to completely access my own knowledge.
I had difficulty being my own expert.
6 steps to help you become your own expert.
So, in order for you to be your own expert when you are facing an issue that is problematic, troublesome, and emotional for you, follow these six steps:
- take a piece of paper and write out the issue as you understand it to be. Note: the “facts” of the situation are not critical here as it is your interpretation that is critical.
- imagine that a friend of yours has approached you with this exact issue and requested your help
- write out your suggestions to your friend’s request.
- put the suggestions you’ve written away for a day or two
- pull out the suggestions you wrote down
- commit to follow the advice that is written down in front of you.
While this technique may not work in every situation and you may have to seek some outside input, it will be effective in many situations because:
- you are a good advice giver (expert) when you are objective
- this process helps you be objective
- the 1-2 day cooling off period gives you some distance from the issue
- you’ve committed to following your own advice.
I hope this helps.